Lately, I have “stopped” blogging , posting on Insta or making videos. I have those mood swings , since January to be honest , where Im depressed and happy one day , then something happens (even the littlest things) , then every falls down. I had problems with my resident permit , I am still scared not to be taken in University next year , I have some courses I need to repass in my old univerisity in France , and Im scared I would fail those re-exam again, my mood swings influences my studiying program alot, meaning that If im not in the “right mood” for studying then I will procrastinate, which is funny because when it comes to work out , I am very severe to myself , I push myself to go EVERYDAY , because I know my dream body is close and if I give up now , everything i have been doing for 1 year , would have been for nothing. Still money problems, I live on my boyfriend’s scholarships, simply because I didn’t get a job , I don’t speak danish , so It’s very hard to find anything here … even if EVERYONE HERE said that I would find something fast .. lol look at me now …
Moreover , I have to take an english exam asap to prove , Im not dumb …Funny enough , I took an English test called TOEFL ( 200€ .. yeah ) , and I got 82/120 , I was supposed to get at least 88/120 to be even “considered a candidate” in my university … This is the part where I feel like a HUGE FAILURE. Everything I start , I never go fully ’til the end. There is always something blocking me, even myself.
Because of all of that , I am currently not in the mood to write or even make funny videos. I want to create a great content on Instagram, with nice photos, not just “clickbait” photos I did. I have no motivation for these things.
It is truely hard , to change your habits and who you are. I know it is for the best , procrastination is bad but I just can’t help it sometimes it’s beyond me. I am far from my family , you might as well ask , why the fuck I am here. I ask that question to myself all the time, thank god my boyfriend is here. I feel like Im a bit harsh with him sometimes , like I feel bad , whenever I don’t do what he asks me , because he offers me so much … I don’t know.
I am the kind of person who thinks ALOT … too much. All I want right now is to be accepted to university (if possible second year) , to successfully pass my courses left, get a job in July , get that PERFECT BODEYY, See my family this summer. Money – Study – Family. Thats all I want and I need.
Sorry for that big novel but I had to give an update , and to write it down really makes me face my problems and find a solution to fix them ASAP !!!! ❤